Holy crap, I hate warm weather. I just carried a gazillion grocery bags up the stairs and I'm sweating like... well... whatever sweats a lot. Yuck.

I started my afternoon by going to Guitar Center to pick up something Zack had ordered. And dammit, I just realized that I forgot it downstairs in the stupid car. $%&#!! Anyway, Guitar Center hasn't changed since I was trying to learn the guitar 10 years ago. It's the same tattoo covered, pierced, dreadlocked kids who sit around with guitars they dream about owning and play bad cover songs. When I was younger it was Metallica and Megadeth. Now it's Korn and Limp Bisquick. There was a young teenage girl in there with her partial parent father. It was so obvious that he and his wife were divorced and he only saw his daughter every few weeks, so he was making it up to her by spending a shitload of money. She was squealing over guitars and loudly announcing that she had HER OWN tuner at home and making eyes at all the boys who were playing bad cover songs. She was kind of cute. Her father looked like a sleaze.

Because of this lame warm weather I was wearing my well-worn "boys suck" tank top. One of the tattoo-and-piercing covered guys said "boys suck??" I told him "in theory, yes." I don't know what that was supposed to mean, but it was something to say. When I finally got up to the counter I told them I was there to pick up something for my husband. "you're MARRIED?? I thought you were a lesbian." yes, I am a lesbian. in theory.

I almost forgot... as I was opening the door to go into GC this dreadlocked, burned out, rasta hat wearing transient looking guy pushed past me (he was leaving while I was entering) and screeched something like "ackTHEEEEESEmmmrrrbbbphhhACK!!!" at me. I gave him a wide berth. After I left GC I had to go up the road a block and make a right (GC in Dallas is on the highway) because I still had to go to my least favourite place in the world: the grocery store. I almost ran my incoherent-rasta-transient friend over. He was jaywalking, or rather, jayweaving, across the road. Crazy people are so much more interesting when they're on television.

In my experience the best time to go grocery shopping is about 2 in the afternoon. Most of the elderly people have cleared out and the working drones haven't arrived yet. I did have to share the produce section with a blonde bimbo who was wearing her white pants so tight everyone and their blind uncle could see her red thong and cottage cheese thighs. Seriously lady, I didn't need to know what kind of underpants you wear. Her boyfriend was practically yelling on his cell phone in some language I didn't recognize (although I suspect rasta-transient might have understood it.)

I finally made it to the checkout without running anyone over. Then the clerk started questioning me on the frozen pizzas I was buying. Okokok, so I barely know how to cook. Did you not see that I was also buying avacados, tomatillos, raw spinach, and tortillas?? I had frigging hi-calcium 1% milk in my cart! She went from my lack of cooking abilities to making me look at the two medals she was wearing around her neck. Her two daughters won them for playing the piano or something. I congratulated her and mentioned that my husband and I were going to wait to have children. Her response: "Dayam, yeah. I wish I NEVER had no kids." That threw me for a loop. I didn't know what to say. She started telling me her life story. I learned that she had her first kid at 19 and that I give off waaaay too many "I am a good listener" vibes.

And now I must wash the dishes. Party on.

Posted by tyd @ 05/23/2002 06:04 PM CST

hmmm...I always get people that want to tell me their life stories in the laudromat...A little eyes rolling in back in head and a reach for any weird book I am reading usually does the trick lol

Posted by Zoe @ 05/23/2002 06:29 PM CST

The great thing about guitar center is that they are always having a "once-in-a-lifetime-bi-daily-going-out-of-business-anniverary Sales"

Oh and I keep getting grocery clerks who recognize me from a band that came to their school or something. I guess it's the price you pay for being popular. I actually had one guy insist I was Gibby Hanes and wanted my autograph, so I gave it to him... on his CD. Gibby please donb't kill me... or send your dad Mr. Peppermint ot kill me.

Posted by Unkle John @ 05/23/2002 10:12 PM CST

Mr. Peppermint is retired now, you know.

Posted by tyd @ 05/24/2002 12:14 AM CST

most people say "sweating like a pig", but i'm not really sure if pigs actually sweat a lot...

Posted by mikey @ 05/24/2002 03:46 AM CST

LOL...I love the way you write Suzie...you always manage to put a smile on my face...hope you have a great day!!

Posted by Maggie @ 05/24/2002 06:39 AM CST

hey, i'm a lesbian too! in theory.

the guys up at GC are pretty cool, way better than the guys up at MARRS.

that checkout clerk truly has issues. first of all, who can't appreciate the inherent beauty of oven pizzas? they're quick and easy, probably not unlike the blonde bimbo in the produce section. secondly, she obviously didn't realize that you had a shopping cart full of the stuff we need to make tacos. mmmm ... tacos ....

that's right, tacos for dinner. yay!

:)

Posted by -Z @ 05/24/2002 09:25 AM CST

Hey there, just saying hi, found your blog via your Michael Jackson doll photos on www.fark.com and enjoyed staying a while :))

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